Ketchup: The most unauthentic condiment?

Ketchup abusers: Ruining American food culture?

Hi, I am a ketchup enthusiast! I can’t eat fries, burgers or anything unless it is slathered in sugary, tomato(ish) paste. I understand that there is an entire world of flavors that I choose to hide with thick red slop, but I found a flavor that I enjoy. I feel like I can relate with ketchup. I mean neither of us has changed much in my lifetime.

Kind of frightened by the overwhelming selection of high end mustards and designer chipotle mayos out there. I have a hard enough time choosing between Heinz, Hunts and generic.Think that I will stick with ketchup through thick and thin. It’s sort of any ‘everyman’ of condiments, refusing to give in to the societal pressures to evolve/’taste good’. Maybe I don’t like food that much and just want some palatable red lube to help slide three meals a day down my throat. Thanks for being there ketchup!

Friends try and tell me that mustard leads to a more ‘authentic’ dining experience. Not sure I trust them. Feel like these are the same friends who tried to tell me that bleached blond hair isn’t cool anymore and that there are more relevant bands than ‘Alkaline Trio’.

Kind of worried about this ‘foodie’ culture that has been growing in recent years. Feel like they might try to separate me and my ketchup. Even had people try to tell me that ketchup on a hot dog was ‘inappropriate’. Not sure how to react to this. I have been putting ketchup on hot dogs since I was 3. Maybe I should start cutting my hot dogs into little dime sized circles again. Never knew why I stopped doing that. That way I can fully submerge the meat into the ketchup. It really bugs me when people won’t let me enjoy my ketchup in peace. I mean not all of us can be culinary explorers. There are a lot of foods I wouldn’t try, especially if I couldn’t use ketchup. Maybe people in Africa are so hungry because we only send them relief aid rice but no ketchup to aid the eating process.

Basically I just want to pretend it was a simpler time. A time before consumer options. When I make a decision I stick with it. Still think that my “Sega saturn” is better than any PS3. Just really looking for a place where I can be accepted. A place where people can appreciate me for who I am. Just need to find other people who understand me and my ketchup.

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2 Comments

Filed under Rant

2 responses to “Ketchup: The most unauthentic condiment?

  1. Dan D

    Don’t be a fool. Everyone knows Super Nintendo is the greatest gaming system of all time. OF ALL TIME!

  2. ydfau61

    Sounds like a ketchup abuser to me.

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