World Cup – Most authentic sporting event?

Feelin’ pretty ‘amped’ about this world cup. Sometimes I worry that liking sports will draw me criticism from people I respect, and unwanted high-fives from douche bags. Luckily soccer seems to be universally thought of as ‘pretty fucking awesome’ once every four years.

Haven’t really decided what exactly it is that I love about this sport yet. Might just really love dressing up in ridic clothes with some ‘mates’. Might really just love being nationalistic without feeling guilty. Kind of glad the U.S. isn’t that great. This way I can wear my uncle Sam gear/blue tooth without prompting ridicule/terrorism.

Really loving the camaraderie that soccer brings to me and my bros. Its kind of like the a whole world is is just broing out, getting drunk early in the morning/late at night and watching ESPN/foreign crappier versions of ESPN. Really feel like soccer might be something the whole world can bond over to create world peace. Nothing like the sense of unity after starting a stadium crumbling brawl over a ‘yellow card’. Maybe if the US and Al Qaeda had just gotten together and trampled a few hundred fans to death after a good match, we could have avoided 9-11.

Not sure why so many people criticize soccer for not being high scoring. Never liked math much. When I see high numbers my head hurts, that’s why I prefer womens basketball. Also the less goals scored, the less of a chance that someone sees me participating in a high five/chest bump/equally embarrassing bro-celebration.

A lot of games seem to be decided by shoot outs too. Seems pretty cool/hilarious to decide the most important games of the year (four years) by doing something that has nothing to do with the actual game. Kind of like had Kobe Bryant and Paul Pierce just played a game of horse to decide the NBA championship, or if Drew Brees and Peyton Manning had just played beer pong for the super bowl. Guess that being a jock and training all that time isn’t gonna pay off now. It’s kind of like validation for my non-athletic, cheap beer drinking life style.

Also a lot of people criticize soccer players for flopping or faking injuries and rolling around in pain like they just got hit with sniper fire. Personally, I just see it as a hilarious commentary on the the ‘don’t taze me bro’ generation.

Maybe I just like soccer because most of the players look like American Apparel models. Maybe I just like soccer because most of middle America doesn’t get it.
Maybe I should start liking the MLS ironically after all this world cup is over.
Wonder if MIA will sample the Zuvuzela on her next album?


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