Four Loko: The Next big (m)Alt Beverage?

Feelin’ like I wanna get super-wasted this weekend/Wednesday. Might just wanna get blackout drunk while watching reality TV with a few friends/Doritos. Think that I’m kinda over PBR. At this point it’s probably a pretty ‘entry level’ alcoholic beverage. Think that the bar at Chili’s now has it on tap. Not sure I wanna associate with anything ‘Tex-Mex’. Think that beer in general might be too ‘drinkable’. Kind of want a drink that reminds me with each sip that I’m doing something really horrible to my body. Want something edgy. Want something that is illegal in certain counties. Want a drink that doesn’t know how to spell.

Heard about this malt liquor/energy drink/vomit inducer called ‘Four Loko’. Seems like it’s the ‘it’ beverage of 2010. I like that me and my girls can all pick out a flavor that matches our personality/high waisted skirt. The big can and dangerous alcohol content will probably lead to crazy funny facebook albums/date rape. Loko might be the ‘Lady Gaga’ of alcohol, it’s bold, krazy, cheap and lower middle class uncultured/hopeless whites really seem to identify with it. Drinking Four Loko even almost makes that “Alejandro” song not suck dick.

Feel like I’m ok with something tasting like metal/cough syrup if it gets me shwasted for 2.50. I think that fighting to keep Loko legal will replace fighting for marijuana legalization/gay rights. I think that showing off your Loko selection will replace showing off your Itunes library as a way to pick up chix.

Just wanna get Loko.

Will Four Loko dethrone PBR as the premier novelty alcoholic beverage?
What’s your favorite Loko flavor?
Is Tex-Mex the least ‘authentic’ cuisine?
Have you written a letter to your local representative about ensuring Loko legality?
Is Loko the mtn dew or meth of the alcoholic beverage world?
Has Loko ever made you violently ill?
Has Loko ever not made you violently ill?
Does Loko wash down Taco Bell or Funyons better?
Does drinking Loko make living in a trailer less or more miserable?
Who will be the first Alt-Celeb to endorse Loko? Ke$ha?
Will Ke$ha still be a celeb by the time Loko really gets big?
Is Loko our generation’s moonshine?
Is Loko the next big party drink or a danger to the moral fabric of our society?



Filed under fashion/trends, Rant, Uncategorized

4 responses to “Four Loko: The Next big (m)Alt Beverage?

  1. Frank

    Seeing a Four Loko in the trash is like seeing a used hypodermic needle.

  2. I honestly think the smell was worse than the taste.

  3. Fo- Lo is what the hipsters call it now…I heard they’re coming out with FIVE Loko!!! This cartoon I’ve made explains the FOUR LOKO CONSPIRACY…

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