Guy Fieri: Kitchen Bro

I’m a kitchen bro.

-Just tryin’ to make cooking/food seem more ‘awesome’.
-Just wanna get people fuckin’ amped up about the culinary arts.
-Wanna show people that you can still be down to chill even if you have fresh thyme in your fridge.
-Thinkin’ that traditional chef whites/appropriate cooking attire is gay.
-Just wanna look ‘rad’.
-Wanna create some hybrid skater/pro bowler/Bart Simpson/guido/Aj from the Backstreet Boys aesthetic.
-Wanna make sweatbands the ‘livestrong’ bracelet of 2010.
-I’m a kitchen bro.

Flame shirts = whacky but tough.

-Think that I can provide some false notion of what is ‘hip’ and youthful to 58 year old Middle American Republicans and 12 year old boys.
-Wanna look as loud/goofy/fun loving as possible in every picture I pose for.
-Eventually I’d like to shove my hella dope persona down the throats of the entire nation by hosting kooky easily accessible game shows on network television.
-Gonna try to fill that “America’s funniest home video” niche. For people that love straight forward physical comedy and don’t have access to/know how to use ‘youtube’.
-Just wanna appeal to the everyman.
-Just want to be that whacky bro that you know who enjoys life/beer and makes really kick ass chili for the big game.
-Wanna make bleached hair cool again, even for non azns.
-I’m a kitchen bro.

Wanna make 'in your face' food.

-Gonna try and make people less scared of ethnic food/vegetables by deep frying a lot of shit.
-Gonna try to pretend that each hamburger I ever try is the best one of my life.
-Think that trying new sauces will seem less daunting to your avg bro if I just put everything in ketchup bottles.
-Want people to use my recipes for keggers, tail gate parties and Green Day concerts.
-Gonna let people know I love partyin’ by cookin with a lot of beer/booze/red pepper flakes.
-Wanna look/dress/pose for pictures the same way that the fat ICP member does.
-Just wanna be the 2010 version of Emeril.
-I’m a kitchen bro.

Kitchen clown rap magnet bro


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